No. I am not seeing anyone... yet...

I love my family.  Really, I do.  And I know they mean well.  They are happy for me and really want great things for me.

However...

My family needs to back off.  For the last few months, every family-function, be it a reunion or just an afternoon by the pool, has included a conversation that begins with "so... are you seeing anyone yet?" My standard response is to smile and say "no, I am not seeing anyone yet" to which they ALWAYS reply with something like "well, it can't be long now."

Says who?

Most of them don't say it out loud, but they finish that thought the same way: well, it can't be long now... that you have lost all that weight.

I'm not offended.  Honestly.  I completely understand why they think that.  I mean, I thought that too! And it's not an unwarranted thought.  Things in that department have been decidedly more interesting in the last few months, for sure.  And I certainly spend more time these days playing keep-away from creepers at the bar and on Facebook.

But here's the part they don't understand; the thing it took me a few months to understand - loosing 85 lbs. hasn't changed the fact that I just really suck at meeting boys.

Sure, a change in my appearance has given me a confidence boost that has made me put myself "out there" more, but that's not what it takes to be successful in the twenty-something singles scene.  You also need new people to put yourself "out there" with and, the reality is, no matter what size I am, if I am not meeting new people I am going to remain single.

I have always been single.  I am comfortable being single.  But I am also ready to not be single.  I don't necessarily want a boyfriend right now... I think I have a few things to get out of my system before I am ready for a relationship, but I would like to meet someone.  Both for myself and for the sake of being able to respond to my aunts or my grandmother's questioning with "kind of :)".

It may be a tiny one, but it is a step in the right direction

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have forward motion!

Have I been sticking to the workout plan that I laid out in my last post?  Um... not so much.  Have you seen that sunshine?  It's too fabulous to wast indoors!  Not saying I haven't been there at all, but definitely not as often as I told myself I would go. However, I have been walking at least 3 miles almost every day and have really buckled down on my diet again.  Roommate went back on Adkins which has helped us get rid of a lot of the tempting/awful food that had been sitting around the house the last few months.

The progress: 4.5 lbs. since my last post.  It's Friday, so I'm okay with rounding that up and declaring 75 lbs. lost since September.  Score! 

In other news, my shadow keeps freaking me out.  I guess I haven't really seen much sunshine since this whole endeavor began because I was not prepared for how different it looks.  I know this must sound strange, but your shadow is more familiar to you than you probably realize.  Mine looks very different and sometimes, when I am walking, it feels like someone is following me.

The Resurrection of Jesus... and my Workout

I need to get back to the gym.  

For about two months there I was doing great.  4 days a week.  45 minutes of resistance training and 30 minutes of cardio.  I felt great.  In fact, I almost felt like running. (Almost... but that's a story for another day)

Then this near perfect storm of external factors hit me and got me out of the habit.  I was sick for a few days.  I went out of town.  I was staying very late at work.  I "needed" to sleep in.  The sun came out again and the thought of not being in it made me sad.  One excuse after another kept coming up and now, looking back over the last three weeks, I am shocked to see I have only been there once.  Not good.

Granted, I haven't gained a pound in those three weeks.  Of course, I haven't lost a pound either.  Like I said before, given what I've already accomplished it is tempting to just be content where I am for awhile and not push myself to keep going.  Then I have a day like I did yesterday where I look at myself and find it difficult to see where any of those 70 lbs. have gone.  Again, not good.

So, it is time to get back on the workout wagon.

It's Easter.  This weekend is all about resurrection and the promise of a better life free from the forces that currently bind us.  Right?  Death to the old and life to the new. I think that makes it a perfect time to recommit myself to my workout regiment.

Here is the plan for the next week:

• Today, I will use the extra time I get by getting out of work early to get myself back into the swing of things.  I have three hours between jobs so that is plenty of time to get a workout and a shower in.
• Tomorrow, the only thing I have to do at all is maybe work (I am on-call for a few hours) at the store.  No excuse to not squeeze in both a workout at the gym and a brisk evening walk through German Village, right? 
• Sunday I have no plans.  Easter is tricky, because the gym is probably closed, but I will make myself at least walk in the park.  Maybe try running a bit, but no promises.
• Mondays are impossible because I go straight from the full-time job to the part-time job, but at least I am on my feet the last 5 hours of the day
• Tuesday is not a session day and my boss must leave by 4:00, so there is no excuse to not bring my gym things with me and go right after work
• Wednesday - Boss is out of town, see Tuesday
• Thursday - Night off

I hope that by putting it in writing, I will force myself to actually go through with it.  Accountability via blog post may seem a little unconventionial, but since I am not willing to shell out $200 a month to hire a trainer to motivate me this is how I am going to make it work.

The Quest to Reach 100

During my lunch break this afternoon, I started reading about the people who have been inducted into The Today Show's Joy-Fit Club.  These remarkable individuals have all lost 100 lbs. or more and their profiles on msnbc.com detail how far they have come and what changes they made to bring about their transformations.

Obviously, I like browsing stories like that to see dramatic before and after photos just like anyone else does, but I also have another reason to be particularly interested in the lives of these Joy-Fit club members.  I am trying to become one.

I should take that back, actually.  I don't mean to say that I want to appear (scantily clad) on The Today Show and tell Matt Lauer or Kathy Lee Gifford what I eat every day and how many minutes of cardio and resistance training I do in a given week.  Nothing about that sounds like a good time, actually, except for the free trip to New York.  But I do want to loose 100 lbs. (or more).

The goal sounds incredibly lofty but I am well on my way, actually.  The decision to make the change came Labor Day weekend after a summer of some serious self-reflection.  Since that time (nearly 7 months ago now) I have lost 70 lbs. and gone from a size 22 to a size 14.  I suppose loosing 70 lbs. in 6 1/2 months sounds pretty fast but it doesn't feel that way.  Physically, I feel better than I ever have in my life and hardly a week goes by that I don't run into someone I haven't seen in months who seems floored by what they see.  It's a great start and it's tempting to be content where I am, but I definitely don't want it to be the end.

In reading about these people who have already accomplished what I have set out to do, two of their stories really struck me.  One person who stood out was a 35 year old mother of two who lost 110 lbs. and went from a size 22 to a size 6 in a year and a half.  Her starting weight was 252 lbs when she made the decision to drop the weight and she looks absolutely incredible now.  She even came on set in a bikini.  As someone who, just 7 months ago, boasted virtually identical stats to her pre-loss weight and size, the thought of ever allowing myself to be seen in public, ever, in a bikini is just mind-boggling.

We started in the same place but she is about 40 lbs ahead of me.  On the one hand, 40 lbs doesn't seem like that much.  After all, it only took me 3 1/2 months to loose the first 40 lbs.  However, the further I get into this endeavor, the slower the weight has come off. At the rate I have been going this month (5 lbs. for all of March) it will be another 8 months before I get there.  I know that 8 months is not a super long time and that, expecially considering how fast the weight came off in the beginning, I shouldn't let it discourage me, but I guess I am just impatient.  I have shocked myself with what I have already accomplished and I am interested to see what else this journey has in store for me.

The other Joy-Fit Club member who stood out to me was a guy who, when all was said and done, lost 214 lbs.  Although it's not the largest weight loss among the Joy-Fit club members, it is still a number I can hardly fathom.  But that wasn't what struck me about this guy.  The article also mentioned that he was a restaurant reviewer who recently started writing a regular column on 'life after weight-loss' called "Second Helping".

 It struck me because, especially in the last month or two, it has become (at times painfully) obvious that there is, in fact, such a thing as 'life after weight-loss'... a life that is proving to be very different from the one I had been leading before.

You see, most of the articles I read about the members of the Joy-Fit club talk about how they felt like outsiders and outcasts because of their weight.  In many cases, this was what led them to pursue this change.  I can't say that my story is the same.  While I always saw myself as overweight, I never saw myself as fundamentally different from the people around me and tried to do everything I could to never allow anyone else to see me as different either.

That said, when I started to drop the weight I did anticipate that there would be some changes.  I figured that I would feel healthier (though I didn't know what to expect healthier to feel like) and that my self-confidence would get a boost from looking better.  Both of those turned out to be true, but 'life after weight-loss' has been anything but predictable.

So that's why I'm starting this blog.  Life after weight-loss is proving to be unlike anything I had imagined.  Sometimes it is hilarious, sometimes it is trying and sometimes it is painful.  In most cases, it is unpredictable and almost always a great story.  And, since I am only 70% of the way to where I want to be, I would imagine it will only continue to be interesting from here on out.

We'll see...